Opening The Door To That Bigger House

I am tired of not dreaming big enough.  I didn’t realize I was dreaming small.  All I know now is I want I must dream BIGGER.  And that begins right now right this minute.

What I really want is a big kitchen.  With a double sided sink, a garbage disposal, a sprayer.  Big double sinks, not small ones.  Something I can set the pans in to soak and the pans fit.  Lots of countertop space.  Lots of cabinet space.  A hanging rack for pots and pans.   Room for a butcher block.  Room for a big kitchen table.

A breakfast nook would be good, just somewhere for the family to meet and to be together.  A dining room would be nice, but is not necessary.  So long as there is space for the family dining table, I am good.   If we have room for a hutch or china cabinet or two, that would make it even better.

I want an actual separate laundry room.  It can be in the basement or whatever, but I don’t want to have to look at my washer and dryer or have them be part of my kitchen experience ever again.

I want to have a working fireplace.

I want a big bathroom, for the master bath.  A huge claw foot tub.  Something I can lie all the way down in and stretch out.  Something where the ceiling is taller than I am, so I can stretch and turn while I am under the spray.  I want there to be enough room in the shower for at least six or eight people.  Not that I ever want to have that many people in the shower with me; I merely want the space so I can dance or stretch or do yoga under the shower’s spray.  Or anything else that comes to mind.

It would be nice to have at least two bathrooms, what with all the kids running around.

I want tall ceilings.  I want plenty of headspace.  Vaulted ceilings more like the living room in the house in FS.  I want tons of windows in every room.  I want lots of natural light.

I want at least four bedrooms.  I want a full basement.  I want more than enough room for an office.  I want space for the exercise equipment.  I want space for my art studio.  I want plenty of storage space for all the yarn and fabric and other supplies I tend to collect.

I want big closets all over the house for everyone.  I want everyone to have plenty of space to grow and evolve and be themselves.

I want a big family room.  I want a decent living room.  I want lots of space for books and movies and anything else we need to have lots of room in the house.

I want an actual garage, a two car garage at that.  I want a patio in the back, all wooden and with a screen overhead, with plenty of room for a table and chairs.  I want a covered, maybe even screened in, front porch too.  It would be awesome if we could have a sun room somewhere too.

I want a big fenced in yard for the dogs and the kids.  If we could have a swing set or fort or something for the kids built in the back, which would be incredible.  I want the yard landscaped and wonderful.

I do not care for carpeting.  I want hardwood floors In every room except the kitchen and bathrooms.  There I would prefer tile or slate of something stone-like.

Restoring The Dig Tree

prompt found at:

The Dig Tree

I find myself standing amid the debris and destruction that was my dig tree.  I am not disenchanted or downtrodden or sad.  I find that I am feeling strong, happy, hopeful.  I search through the shards and shrapnel of exploded wood with care.  I do not know for certain what it is for which I search, but I am sure I will know it when I see it.  I stand there astounded by how far out the blast area reaches.  Even though the lightning strike had caused a huge contusion, it hadn’t occurred to me that some much could have been thrown so far.  And yet, it obviously had been.  I walk slowly, circling, from left to right, in ever-widening circles, then ever-shrinking circles, over and over again, losing all sense of time and space, going in and going out, as my brain ceases to ponder the whys and wherefores of what happened last time I stood with this tree.   I merely observe and attest to the reality of nothinglessness.

The remainder of the trunk remains attached to the roots seems to be stuck canted half in and half out of the dirt.  I see shriveled blackened roots.  So much of the wood appears to have died long ago, densely choked with noxious black goo, as well as plenty having withered away to tendrils of ash and dust.  However, there is also a lot of healthy growth showing, where there were good times, places where healing continued as best it could under the circumstances.  Even amidst this chaos of death, I can see the tiny fragments of life beading up, demanding their own fighting chance to survive.  I cannot and will not take that from any of them.

I start to think I have spent enough time here, commiserating with the left-overs of the tree.  Apparently, whatever it is I came to find is no longer here.  Or maybe it was the memory alone that I was to gather and hold tight as my own.  I walk away, back towards where I had come from, when I see it, about twelve feet away from the main core of the trunk.  A tiny seedling, gasping with hope and vitality.  My tree does not grow from seed, but from seedling, from an outgrowth from the roots that sends up new shoots at random periodic intervals.  Here I am.  Here is the spark I have been looking for, waiting for, needing to gather up with gracious arms and loving tears, to transplant to another , much safer ground.

With the utmost care and lightest of touches, I clear away the ground, digging around to ensure the safety of the root ball.  The ball of craggly earth that I prise up is nearly three times larger than the sapling itself, but I don’t care.  All I know is I must protect this baby.    I carry it in my arms until I return to my abode, not quite a home, now less than a house since my heart has left it.  I fill a deep wide pot full of the richest soil and plant my tiny tree in the pot, covering it with more fresh dirt and mulch.  I will give it three days to adjust to the changes before I water it, in order to protect the roots that much more, according to the way I was taught by an ancient gardener long ago.

I offer it prayers, send energizing love and sweetest healing powers deep into its roots and its core.  I set crystals around its edges to catch the sun and add that much more healing power and energy to the soil.  I pray over it, weaving ribbons of light around the pot, the trunk and the tiny little leaves that bravely spurn the arena of death we so recently departed.  I know that once I find my Home, I shall dig a wide deep hole and burrow the roots of this tree into the earth there, where I shall nurture and attend to this tree constantly, with all my love and ability.  Where this tree grows shall be my everlasting Home.  Now, in order to protect both this tree and my family, I must look even harder for that home that is meant for us.

Looking For A New Nest

One thing that I do every time we look at moving is involve my children.

My son’s involvement this time, thus far, has amounted to giving us permission to look for a house, permission to move into the house, and acknowledgment that he wants his own room still in the new house.  I do believe he said something along the lines of wanting a playroom too.

My daughter always makes a drawing of our new home.

When we left MO for MO a couple years ago, she drew a lovely big house, with a dad and a mom and two kids,  and a baby cradle for her baby sister visible in the upstairs window, and a dog  playing out in the front yard under the apple tree with the tire swing in it.

We haven’t gotten that house yet, but it is still an option for later on.

I asked her to draw out the house we should be looking for this time around.

Here is what she drew:

She seems to have used a combination of techniques here: water colour, pencil, crayon and marker.

I especially love the four dogs in the picture.  All on tie-outs in the front yard because it’s not fenced in.

Her drawing has inspired me to start an art journal of the process here towards finding us the “perfect’ house to turn into a Home.

I will keep you updated as we go along.

Setting The Base From Which To Spring

In order to begin to move forward, I must figure out where it is I want to go.

We have already decided that we want to be closer to my significant other.  North County.  We like it there.  I have always liked it there; I have always preferred North County to anywhere else in the area.  There are plenty of places to go, wilderness speaking, right in the heart of things there.  This is what I need.  It is also close to where my son lives with his father, so we have that angle covered.  Not to mention, it is a lot closer to the cousin’s house, which means my daughter can go play more often, if circumstances allow.  We have the location parameters set.

Mandatory inclusions: each person needs their own bedroom.  Period.  End of statement.  This means no less than three bedrooms, although four would be preferable.  Lots of space, lots of air.   Tall ceilings everywhere.  Windows are always good.  The more light coming in, the better, even though there may be drafts.  I am willing to work with drafts.  A decent and roomy kitchen, with plenty of countertop and cabinetry.  A living room.  A dining room.  A full basement.  It doesn’t have to be a finished basement, but a full basement is mandatory.  A good-sized yard.  It doesn’t have to be a huge yard, just comfortable.  We would like it fenced in, of course, but we are willing to fence it in ourselves as well, if need be. If we are talking preferences here, I would prefer a privacy fence, but that’s just me.

Here are some new things I require.  Really good neighbors.  They don’t have to be all Mary Tyler Moore.  Even Gladys Kravitz wouldn’t be too bad, although I would prefer Mary over Gladys.  I want neighbors who have decent well-behaved kids, kids that don’t throw rocks on the roof of my house, who don’t throw trash or break bottles in my backyard, who don’t mistreat my dogs, or my kids for that matter.  I want people that you can talk to, but not someone who is going to come over every morning and camp out all day either.  I want to be able to get up at six in the morning to drag my dog out on a walk and not have to worry about am I going to make it home in one piece.  I want to be able to feel safe enough to take a walk around the neighborhood, with kids and dog, at all hours, since I am never on a stable schedule of, say, up at six, walk the dog, write, blah blah blah.  Although I really should be, when I think about it.

My daughter’s requirement is a fireplace.  Although, as I keep saying, it is not a mandatory requirement.  We can buy a false front and put that up.  My mother bought an electric fireplace awhile back, so that too is an option.  My daughter would prefer being able to watch flames, be they real or artificial.  It doesn’t matter which to her.  I like having the hearth over the fireplace to display things, like the family altar.

I would like a two story home, but that is not mandatory.  My daughter likes to point out that if we have a basement, we have an upstairs and a downstairs, and shouldn’t that count as two stories?  I want to feel safe inside my home, and outside.  I want to live far enough from the river, or any water source at this point, that river insects do not feel the need to encroach on my space.  I want space for the herb garden, the flower garden, the rose garden.

Solid construction is now also a must, for the entire house.  If the place starts falling down around my head in a year or less, we are going to have some major issues. I am not about to go through that again.  I want electrical outlets that actually work, without overheating the wall and without having to flip all sorts of switches to make certain outlets that shouldn’t be on that breaker work. I want a roof that doesn’t need to be repaired, that doesn’t leak, that is in good shape.

I would like a brick house.  I want to have a house with a big red front door.  I am willing to paint the door myself.  I am thinking white for the rest, although a yellow house would be good too.  Part brick and part siding.  Not wood siding, no.  That requires too much work.  Scraping paint and whatnot.  The vinyl siding, or whatever it is, would be perfect.  Hose it off now and then and we’re all good.  Sounds perfect.

A carport would be fine.  A garage would be even better.  If we have a garage, we don’t need a shed.  A paved driveway would be nice too.  Although we would still be ok if it were gravel.  I have learned that I prefer a paved driveway.

I also have discovered that I love the whole back porch patio thing.  I hadn’t realized how much I liked patios or having them.  That is something worth having.  I do think if we don’t have one, we would have to build one at some point.  I prefer to buy a house that already has one though.  Room on the front porch for a couple chairs, no, for my daughter’s bench that she wants, would be terrific.  She also wants to have a porch swing, so we will have to keep that in mind as well.

I do not want to be physically close to my neighbors.  I would like some space between lots.  I don’t want to hear their music from their cars or their tv’s blaring from inside their house.

I do want lots of space inside the house, as well as around the outside of the house.  Inside, I want room for the bookcases.  I want room for all the art supplies, and the yarn stash and the fabric stash.  I want room for my kids to spread out and grow.  I want room for my office, for my writing, for my artwork, and for all the artistic endeavors that I currently have sitting on a shelf waiting for me to have room and money to do things that I want to do.

Some things I like, but that we can add later on are wainscoting, molding, decorative light switch plates, chandeliers, ceiling fans, paint.  I take it back.  We should be looking at a place that already has ceiling fans, at least in the main living areas of the house.  I would prefer them in the bedrooms as well, but we can add those later on as we go along.

This is the basic concept we are working with for our new home.

We would change only a few things if we were planning to combine households with my significant other.  We are currently looking into several options.  Do we just rent a house outright?  If we do that, we can bee more lenient about some of the features, because then we would know above all else that things are very temporary.  Do we do the rent to own angle again, so that the house is mine and mine alone?  That way when we do combine households with my significant other, I have my own stream of income from renting out that house.  The next option is going in together with my boyfriend to buy a property we know will be my temporary residence until we all move in together.  That way we will have two properties between us to use as rental properties while we buy a third larger house as our main domicile.  Another option on the table is foregoing the whole house in the middle and looking for that bigger house where we can all move in together right now and not have to worry about moving up or moving on after any certain amount of time.  The last option, which I am not really wanting to consider due to lack of space, is moving in with my boyfriend in his current house and recreating things there to our desires and satisfaction.

All these possibilities.  We have to start somewhere.  This is my start.  Establishing a base and moving on from there.